A relationship breakup can refer to a friendship breakup or a romantic breakup. In either case, the hurt mind feels the same. The emotional hangover can continue for days, weeks or even months, until you find another friend or partner. And even then, you can’t bet the problem is permanently solved.
Here are steps that will equip you to completely recover from this trauma, and will immunise you from all future breakup traumas.
1. Use your intelligence – and not the mind – to deal with the situation.
According to the Bhagavad Gita, your intelligence is a faculty distinct from your mind.
The working senses are superior to dull matter; mind is higher than the senses; intelligence is still higher than the mind; and the soul is even higher than the intelligence. – Bhagavad Gita 3.42
This implies that if you use your intelligence properly, you can save yourselves from your sick mind. Isn’t that an empowering idea? Yes, it certainly is. But then, your emotions could be so turbulent that they hijack your intelligence.
The recommended alternative, therefore, is that we ‘borrow’ intelligence from the Bhagavad Gita. After all, the Bhagavad Gita was spoken when Arjuna was mentally pained, and his intelligence dysfunctional.
2. Contemplation on your ex. Stop it.
While contemplating the objects of the senses, a person develops attachment for them, and from such attachment passion develops, and from passion anger arises. – Bhagavad Gita 2.62
Contemplation is the mind’s way of becoming attached. The more you contemplate on the person who caused the emotional hurt, the more your attachment for him or her will increase; and so will your passion to enjoy that person’s company. But since you have broken up, that passion will only arouse anger, and deepen your hurt.
You need to be aware of a few sneaky ways in which you can be tricked into contemplation:
Firstly, if you are feeling sympathetic towards him or her. In this case, you need to remember that ultimately it’s God who is taking care of everybody. It was God who took care of your ex before he or she came into your life, and it will be God who will do that hereafter. If this argument isn’t good enough, never mind; stop contemplating anyways, because you need to save yourselves before you can save others!
Secondly, if your aim is to distance yourselves mentally from your ex by thinking all wrong about him or her. In this case, understand that negative contemplation will cause your attachment to grow as much as positive does. The only difference is, when you are thinking negative, the attachment increases subconsciously. And because it is subconscious, it can be more dangerous.
3. Avoid things and situations that remind you of your ex.
As a strong wind sweeps away a boat on the water, even one of the roaming senses on which the mind focuses can carry away a person’s intelligence. – Bhagavad Gita 2.67
Stop the senses from roaming about things that remind you of your ex. For example, avoid seeing old pics of pre-breakup days, and avoid food and music that the two of you enjoyed together.
Still, despite your best efforts, it could be hard to forget your ex.
4. Seek help
I am seated in everyone’s heart, and from Me come remembrance, knowledge and forgetfulness. By all the Vedas, I am to be known. Indeed, I am the compiler of Vedānta, and I am the knower of the Vedas. – Bhagavad Gita 15.15
Pray to Krishna, or God, to help you. Believe me: a sincere heartfelt prayer has more power than several hours spent at the therapist. Remember that your ancestors did much better than most we moderns by turning to God in times of mental trauma.
5. Experience a higher taste
Turning to God will not only help you forget your old attachments, but will also provide you higher happiness. And experiencing that higher taste is necessary for the mind to permanently heal.
Though the embodied soul may be restricted from sense enjoyment, the taste for sense objects remain. But, ceasing such engagements by experiencing a higher taste, that person is ﬁxed in consciousness.- Bhagavad Gita 2.59
6. Find your best friend.
How does turning to God provide a higher taste? Because when we sincerely turn to God, we find in him our best friend.
A person in full consciousness of Me, knowing Me to be the ultimate beneﬁciary of all sacriﬁces and austerities, the Supreme Lord of all planets and demigods, and the best well-wishing friend of all living entities, attains peace from the pangs of material miseries. – Bhagavad Gita 5.29
This realisation of God being our best friend, and the inner peace that results from that understanding, comes through grace, and after considerable practice of Bhakti Yoga. But even a single desperate cry from a distressed heart can give you a great start – an inner warmth which can be distinctly perceived. Try it.
7. No more breakup traumas
In the modern world, breakups happen every now and then. To the degree we realise the unceasing relationship we have with God who is within our own hearts, we remain undisturbed despite the turmoils that result from breakups.
Established thus, one never departs from the truth, and upon gaining this one thinks there is no greater gain. Being situated in such a position, one is never shaken, even in the midst of greatest difficulty. – Bhagavad Gita 6.22